As Father Wishes
by Boyfrom0z
Summary: “Why does it have to be this way?” whispered Kyouya as he left the Third Music Room for the last time. - Kyouya's father wants to send him to America. He's willing, but he must leave his heart in the host club with Tamaki, who can't return his feelings.
1. Not Even Love

"Why does it have to be this way?" whispered Kyouya as he stepped of the Third Music Room.

He turned and looked back through the doorway. He saw Mori standing stoically behind Hunny who was beaming and eating a strawberry to the delight of several girls. Hikaru and Kaoru were going through their "brotherly love" routine for a whole flock of girls more than one of whom looked to be on the verge of passing out. Haruhi was talking animatedly with a fellow freshman and ignoring Tamaki's occasional glances in her direction. The host club king himself was engaged in conversation with yet another of his long-time costumers. He seemed to he enjoying himself and had not seen Kyouya excuse himself and send the girls he had been talking to over to watch the twins. Even though Tamaki hadn't seen him, it was on this host that Kyouya's eyes stayed the longest.

Kyouya sighed and turned back to face the hall, closing the door to the Third Music Room behind him for the last time.

"Good-bye," he whispered. It was not a good-bye to the room or to the girls or the host club as an idea or even to his friends. It was for Tamaki and Tamaki alone.

Kyouya walked down the halls of Ouran High School starting straight ahead without seeing. He felt so empty inside. He supposed he should feel sad or lonely or even angry, but he felt none of these things. He felt nothing, expect perhaps a vague sense of shock at the realization that what he'd known was going to happen had truly come to pass.

He was leaving the host club.

He was leaving Ouran.

He was leaving Japan.

Kyouya spoke to no one on his way home, not even the students who accosted him in the hall. At this point it did not matter if he was nice to them in the name of the family or not. The scandal of his absence tomorrow would make them all forget.

As he walked, Kyouya wondered how long it would take Tamaki to realize he had gone. It might be a while, considering how absent minded the boy could be. Kyouya didn't like to admit it himself, but he wanted Tamaki to notice he had vanished. He wanted Tamaki to come after him. He wanted Tamaki to try to stop him from leaving. But he knew such a thing would never happen and that such thoughts were foolish so he ignored his secret desire.

"I'm home!" called Kyouya when he entered his house.

Of course no one answered. No one ever did, but he always announced his arrivals home anyway, just in case.

Kyouya sighed and headed off to his room. There was almost nothing there now. All that really remained were his bed and the two bags he'd been taking on the airplane with him. Everything else had already been shipped ahead to America.

America.

Kyouya flopped onto his bed and stared at the white ceiling above him.

There was a soft knocking at the door.

"Kyouya?" came his sister's voice.

"What is it, Fuyumi?" he called dully without moving.

"Do you need any more help packing?" she asked as she pushed the door open and peered into the room.

"You know we finished two days ago," he told her still without getting up.

"I just though you might want to talk," Fuyumi said quietly.

"Well, I guess you thought wrong, didn't you," said Kyouya coldly.

"Oh, Kyouya!" Fuyumi cried flinging herself down on the bed beside him. "I don't want you to go. You're so young! You're not even out of high school."

"I do want pleases father," Kyouya said emotionlessly.

"Kyouya," she breathed sadly as she got back off his bed. She turned and walked over to the door. She was about to leave when she spoke without turning to look at him. "We all know you don't want to go. Even father knows it. And we all get that you're willing to go." She spun round to face him. "You pass the test, Okay?" she said through a quickly constricting throat. "You've proved yourself father's willing little slave. Now snap out of it and stay! You can't just let him ship you off to America like this!"

"You're right," he said still without emotion or movement. "I am his willing slave."

"The don't you see-," Fuyumi started to say, but Kyouya cut across her.

"But I haven't proved myself. He still knows I'm not good enough and I never will be."

"Don't say that!"

"I'm going, Fuyumi," he said, sitting up and looking at her at last. "And nothing can stop me."

He stared at her until she turned and fled the room, not troubling to stifle her tears. Kyouya slumped back down onto his bed.

"Not even love," he whispered as he forced back tears of his own.


	2. Phone Calls

The tinny noise of the "Sakura Kiss" ring tone that announced a call from Tamaki made Kyouya's heart leap and he had the phone halfway to his ear when he froze. He knew if he heard Tamaki's voice telling him to stay, he would stay. But Tamaki was his best friend, how could he not talk to him before leaving him forever? The phone was about to go to voice mail, when Kyouya flipped it open and spoke.

"Hello, Tamaki," he said trying to keep his voice even and cool.

"Kyouya!" Tamaki shouted, making Kyouya jump. "What's going on? I've just heard the most bizarre rumor. Somebody said that you're father's making you go to Australia and that you're never coming back and that you don't want to go, but he's forcing you on pain of death and so you have to go represent your family in Australia and he forbid you from ever coming back to Japan!" Tamaki stopped to gasp for breath before ranting on. "I wouldn't have thought anything of it, except that somebody else said basically the same thing, only you're going to Austria and somebody else said you're going to Canada! Why are they saying all this crazy stuff, Kyouya? Are you trying to get more people to come to the host club by making them think you're leaving? Surely they're better ways! I mean, I'm freaking out here!" Tamaki stopped to take some deep breaths and wait for Kyouya's answer.

"I'm going to New York," he said flatly.

"WHAT?"

"My father's sending me to New York. No, not on pain of death. I'm going because," his voice faltered for an instant. Tamaki was the only person he'd ever had trouble lying to. "I want to."

"You want to?" repeated Tamaki in a whisper.

"Isn't that what I said?"

"You were just going to leave without saying "good-bye" to any of us?" he asked in voice that sounded utterly crushed.

"I thought it would be easier."

"But you're coming back, right?" asked Tamaki quickly.

Kyouya did not reply.

"Right?" Tamaki pressed. "Right?" His voice was growing more and more frantic. "Say something, Kyouya! You are coming back, aren't you?"

"I don't know," said Kyouya finally.

"You don't...?"

"If I do, it won't be for a long time," he said trying to maintain his cool, emotionless tone. "I'm sorry, Tamaki," he added gentleness infiltrating his stone tone. "It's not my really my decision."

"Do we having to go through this again?" Tamaki shouted his voice suddenly full of rage. "I thought I told you that you don't have to be what he wants. You don't have to let him decide your life for you. I thought you'd broken out of that frame, Kyouya. I thought you'd changed."

Kyouya's instinct was to shout back, to make Tamaki furious at him. Had it been anyone else, he would take retorted with furry and gone to America leaving the relationship in taters forever, but it was Tamaki. And he could never bring himself to do that to Tamaki even if it might be best for him in the end. He couldn't bare to hear the pain that would be in Tamaki's beautiful voice. His friend's rage already stung his heart deeply.

"I can't not go, Tamaki."

"Why?" he asked sounding like he was on the verge of tears.

"It's what my father wants. He can send me wherever he wants. I'm only seventeen; I have to do what he tell me," he explained gently.

"So come back when you're of age!"

"And get disinherited by and probably kicked out of my family? Good plan, Tamaki," he snarled sarcastily.

"It's not like you have a better one," muttered Tamaki bitterly.

"I have to go, Tamaki. I'm sorry. I really am. You know I don't really want to leave you."

Kyouya clapped a hand over his mouth in the silence that followed. The silence stretched horribly long. Finally Tamaki's shaky whisper broke it.

"I thought you said you wanted to go."

"I did," said Kyouya quickly.

"But you just said you didn't want to leave-," he continued slowly, but Kyouya cut him off.

"That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?"

"I meant that I didn't want to lose you as a friend. You are basically the only friend I've got and it's not like I know anyone in America."

"Oh," said Tamaki in a disappointed sort of voice that sounded like he had expected something else.

"What?" Kyouya asked.

"Nothing," said Tamaki quickly. "I just misunderstood you."

The long, awkward silence returned.

"Listen Kyouya," said Tamaki at last. "I've gotta go. Promise me you'll," his voice broke slightly. "keep in touch and everything."

"Of course," said Kyouya gruffly.

"I'll see you later then."

"I hope so," said Kyouya sadly.

"Bye, Kyouya," Tamaki said.

"Good-bye, Tamaki."

Tamaki lingered on the line as though he was unwilling to hang up and lose Kyouya.

"Tamaki," said Kyouya suddenly.

"Yes?" asked Tamaki eagerly.

"I-," he began, but stopped himself. There was no reason for Tamaki to know how he felt. "I'll call you when I get there."

"Oh, Okay," said Tamaki with that same disappointment. I'll talk to you later then."

"Yeah."

"See you."

"Good-bye."

Kyouya hung up before he could hear any more sorrow in Tamaki's voice.

He lay on his bed filled with hopelessness for nearly half an hour when his phone rang again. He picked it up listlessly, knowing it was not Tamaki.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Kyouya?" It was Haruhi.

"Haruhi?" he asked surprised. "What's up?"

"We finally got it out of Tamaki."

"Got what out of Tamaki?"

"Why he's so upset."

"Oh," said Kyouya dully.

"He says you're going to America and that you might never come back. It's not true, is it?" she asked in a voice that was filled in concern.

"Yes, it is. Why would I lie to him?"

"But what's going to happen to the host club? You know we can't run this thing without you!"

"That's not my problem, is it?" he asked coldly.

"But Kyouya, you're killing him. You know how he gets," Haruhi protested.

"I know how he pretends to get."

"I know, but he's not pretending this time. He's totally distraught. We all know the host club will die without you and of course none of us want you to go, but Tamaki..." Her voice fell away into silence.

"What do you want me to do? Stick him in my bag and take him with me? It's too late, Haruhi. Even if I wanted to do something about it, I couldn't."

"Surely you don't want to go?" she said in that voice she used when she was seeing through people.

"It's not a question of what I want," Kyouya said tersely.

Haruhi sighed.

"What?" he asked her sensing there was something she wasn't telling him.

"I didn't really want to tell you this," she began.

"Then don't," Kyouya said coldly.

"But I feel like you should know before you leave and all," she continued. Haruhi sighed again. "But Tamaki finally did it."

"Did what?" Kyouya asked warily.

"He asked me out," Haruhi said softly, but matter-of-factly. "I said "yes" to him."

Kyouya stared blankly ahead. He had of course known how his friend felt about Haruhi, but to have it set out in front of him like that was almost too much.

"I'm sorry, Kyouya," she whispered.

"Why are you sorry?" he asked in a strangled voice.

"Because I know it's upsetting you," she said gently.

"How do you do it?" he whispered.

"How do I do what?"

"See through people the way you do?"

"I don't know. But I thought you should know, Kyouya. I've got to go. Good luck in America and everything."

"Thanks," he muttered with ice in his voice.

"Kyouya?" Haruhi asked as he was about to hang up on her.

"What?"

"Why don't you tell him?" she asked tenderly. "It can't possibly hurt now."

"I don't want to hurt him. He doesn't need to know."

He hung up.

So Tamaki and Haruhi were finally together? At least he didn't have to hang around and watch.

"I'm ready, father," he whispered to his empty room, glad, for the first time, to going half a world away from Tamaki.


	3. Why Don't You Tell Him?

That night Kyouya couldn't get to sleep. He knew he needed to sleep. He had hours and hours ahead of him on airplanes and he was no good at sleeping on planes. But no matter what he did, he simply could not sleep. Perhaps the things keeping him awake were Haruhi's words playing through his head over and over in her sensible, yet somehow shy and small voice.

"Why don't you tell him? It can't possibly hurt now."

"Why don't you tell him?"

"Why don't you tell him?"

"Tell him."

"Tell him."

"Tell him."

Kyouya was on the verge of sleep when he sat bolt upright in his bed as if an electric current had been shot through his body. He got up quickly and dressed silently in the dark. He shoved his phone in his pocket and slipped quietly out of his room and down the hall. He made it all the way to the front door and even had his hand on the doorknob when a soft voice stopped him dead.

"Kyouya?"

"Fuyumi!" he hissed furiously as he spun round to face his sister. "What are you doing up?"

"I was just about to ask you the same thing," she said as he crossed the room towards him. "I couldn't sleep. But where are you going?"

"Out," said Kyouya shortly.

"Kyouya," she began soothingly, "it's the middle of the night."

"There's something I have to do," he said looking away from her to the door. "Please," he added in a shaky voice as he swiveled his eyes to her face once more.

"Alright," she said. "But you had better be back here by morning.

"I know."

Kyouya slipped out the door into the night and Fuyumi locked it behind him.

Kyouya broke into a run soon after leaving the grounds of him soon-to-be-ex home. His heart was pounding wildly as he approached his destination. With every step he beat out one of Haruhi's words.

"Why."

"Don't."

"You."

"Tell."

"Him."

He finally reached the formidable house. He ran round back, quickly scaled the wall, and dropped into the back garden with a soft "thud" that was muffled by springy turf. He snuck around the side of the house, keeping to the shadows as much as possible. All the windows were dark, save one and this was the one that Kyouya was interested in. He watched the window for a few minutes. A tall figure came to it and looked out at one point and Kyouya ducked behind a tree, but the figure only gazed out into the darkness for a minute before vanishing. Kyouya pulled out his phone and hit the number 2 on his speed dial. He did not even hear all of the first ring before the person he had called answered.

"Hello?" came the breathless voice.

It was then that Kyouya lost his nerve and could not speak.

"Hello? Hello? Hello!" The words were fast, close together, and desperate. "Kyouya? Are you there? Damn it, damn it! Kyouya! Did you call me on accident? Did you sit on your phone again? Why won't you talk to me Kyouya? Kyouya!" He waited for a reply, gave a miserable sigh, and hung up.

Kyouya let out his help breath, took another deep one, and hit the number 2 once more. His call was answered almost instantly.

"Are you going to talk to me this time?" The voice was barely audible, a strangled whisper.

"Look out your window," said Kyouya softly.

"What?"

"Just do it."

Kyouya was leaning against the tree he had previously hidden behind when the figure reappeared at the window.

"Kyouya!" Tamaki gasped.

"Shh!" said Kyouya into the phone. "Do you want to wake everyone up?"

"What are you doing here?" he asked in a stunned voice.

"I couldn't sleep. So are you going to invite me in or what?"

"Oh! Of course. I'll be at the back door in just a second." He hung up.

Kyouya couldn't even find the back door until Tamaki opened it and spilled golden light across the yard.

"Kyouya?" he called quietly.

"I'm here," replied the Shadow King as he emerged out of the darkness.

"Come on," said Tamaki. "We can go up to my room."

Tamaki led his friend through the extravagant house to his large bedroom.

"I take it you couldn't sleep either," said Kyouya.

"No," said Tamaki sitting down on the edge of his bed. "So why are you really here?"

"I wanted to see you obviously," Kyouya said with a failed attempted at his usual coolness.

Tamaki stared at his friend for a long moment before speaking.

"So you're really going to America."

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Tamaki gasped jumping to his feet.

"Yes," said Kyouya as he crossed to the window to close the curtains. "And I'm staying indefinitely," he added turning back to Tamaki.

"Oh my god," he mounded as he sunk back onto his bed. "Oh my god, I can't believe you're really doing this, Kyouya. I really can't believe it."

"I'm sure you'll believe it tomorrow when I don't scold your new girlfriend for being late to the host club," replied Kyouya bitterly.

"My new... How did you know about that?" asked Tamaki completely forgetting the true topic at hand in his confusion.

"She called me," Kyouya said and then continued in reply to Tamaki's questioning look. "To find out if I was really leaving."

"And she told you?" Tamaki confirmed in an odd voice.

"You say that like you didn't want me to know," Kyouya noted with a cool smile that barely touched his lips much less his eyes.

"It's not that, it's just that it seems sort of an unimportant thing to tell you."

"After all this time trying to get her to like you, you consider this development in your relationship to be unimportant?" asked Kyouya raising an eyebrow.

"No, of course not!" cried Tamaki. "I just don't see why she told you."

"I guess she thought I'd be interested," he said coolly.

Haruhi's words echoed once more in Kyouya's head. "Why don't you tell him? It can't possibly hurt now."

"Tamaki?" began Kyouya as he walked over to his friend.

"Yes?" said Tamaki standing to meet him.

"I came here for a reason." He licked his dry lips with a quick flicker of his tongue.

"I thought there must be a reason," said Tamaki lowering his lilac eyes from Kyouya's.

"I wanted to tell you something. Something you probably don't want to hear."

He was standing much to close to Tamaki. He knew he should take a step back, but he could make his feet move. Even if he could have, he doubted he would have been able to bring himself to step way from the tall blonde who stood before him with a look of cautious curiosity on his face. Kyouya took a deep breath and for once the usually eloquent young man did not know how to say what he had to.

"Tamaki," he began, "there are things about me you don't know."

Tamaki gave a beautiful laugh like a waterfall in a forest, beautiful and clear.

"Well, you are the Shadow King. No one knows everything about you."

"Yes, but you know more than most."

"That's still not saying a lot," said Tamaki, who still had the leftovers of the laugh playing about his lips and dancing in his voice.

"Please try to be serious, Tamaki," Kyouya sad sadly. "I'm leaving," his eyes flicked to his watch, "today, remember?"

"Today?" repeated Tamaki in a voice that was suddenly shaky and full of sorrow. "I'm sorry, Kyouya. What did you want to tell me?"

"I wanted to tell you," he swallowed. "To tell you... God, I can't say it!" Kyouya shouted in a whisper as he spun away from Tamaki and strode quickly to the other side of the room. He stood with his back to his friend and ran his fingers through his dark hair.

"Kyouya." Tamaki followed him and placed a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Don't," snarled Kyouya shaking Tamaki's hand off. "It's bad enough to know you're dating her without you pretending to care about me."

"I do care about you, Kyouya!" said Tamaki in a hurt voice.

"But not in the way I want you to," thought Kyouya.

Or at least, he thought he thought it. Judging by Tamaki's gasp of "what?" he had accidentally spoken out loud.

"What are you talking about, Kyouya?" asked Tamaki as he took a few steps away from his friend.

In any normal circumstance, Kyouya would have come up with a clever reply or maybe just muttered "nothing." This, however, was not a normal circumstance and Kyouya's reaction was anything but normal.

Following an instinct he hadn't known he had, the dark-haired young man turned suddenly to face his friend. He watched as if in a dream as his arm shot out and pulled the other boy to him. Kyouya saw his stunned eyes, heard his gasping breath, felt his soft, blonde hair between his fingers, and kissed Tamaki.

It was only an instant, but in those few seconds Kyouya knew that he could never be happy. Tamaki did not resist him, but neither did he fall into the kiss. He just stood there, shocked and frozen.

Kyouya pulled away and dropped his arms.

"That's what I'm talking about," he said as he stared straight into Tamaki's astonished, lilac gaze. "That's the reason I came here."


	4. Priceless

Kyouya turned away and took a few steps towards the door. There was no longer a reason for him to stay in the room, to stay in Japan. Tamaki truly loved Haruhi and would never love him.

"Kyouya!" cried Tamaki when he'd finally broken his bonds of shock.

Kyouya stopped, his head inches from the doorknob.

"How long?" Tamaki asked in a shaky voice.

"How-?" repeated Kyouya in confusion.

"How long have you," he struggled to get the words out. "Have you-?"

"Have I loved you?" Kyouya offered coldly.

Tamaki nodded mutely.

"Since I started acting like your friend. So about two years." He tried to keep his voice cool and almost succeeded.

"Two years," breathed Tamaki. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to hurt you," he replied shortly still facing the door.

"Oh Kyouya, so you've been suffering all this time? For me?" The mix of concern, hurt, and confusion in Tamaki's voice made Kyouya want to turn round and hold his friend to him, but he didn't.

"Yes," he told the door.

"I'm not worth that, Kyouya," said Tamaki as he struggled to keep some emotion that Kyouya couldn't quite identify from his voice.

"You're worth anything," he said and he finally turned and faced his friend again.

"How can I have been so stupid as to not notice?" asked Tamaki and he ran a hand through his blonde hair so that it fell messily about his perfect face.

"People often overlook what they're not looking for."

"Have I really overlooked you? I didn't mean to! You know I didn't mean to," said Tamaki with a frantic note in his voice. "You're my- my best friend." Tamaki looked away. After a long silence he asked, "Is this why you're leaving?"

"I'm leaving because my father wishes it," said Kyouya flatly.

"Kyouya," Tamaki began slowly, "I wish you'd stay."

"Don't say that," the young man repealed with a low, humorless laugh, "I just might."

"I want you to," Tamaki told him with a pleading note in his voice.

"Don't say that!" Kyouya cried and his throat constricted as he held back tears.

"Why?" whispered Tamaki.

"I told you," he said as he lowered his eyes to hide the tears that were blurring his vision. "If you ask me to stay, I will. Then my father will be so angry and they'll probably throw me out of the family or something."

Tamaki gasped and raised a hand to his lips.

"So please don't ask me to stay," Kyouya finished in a voice that was once more dull and emotionless.

"Kyouya, I'm sorry."

"It's not like any of this is your fault," Kyouya told his friend in a surprisingly gentle voice.

"But still..." Tamaki's voice trailed off.

A long silence began to stretch between them. Even as they struggled to find words to fill it, the horrible emptiness was pushing the two boys apart just as effectively as half the world soon would.

"I have to go," Kyouya finally said.

"Why?" Tamaki asked quickly.

"My father gets up early. If I'm not back in my room..."

"I understand," he replied in an oddly solemn voice that did not suit him.

"Tamaki," Kyouya said determined to have one last moment with his friend. "I will come back. I promise. I don't know when or how, but I will. I swear." His voice was low and rough as he tried to keep it from breaking.

Kyouya took one last look at the boy he loved more than anything he had ever or would ever know. Their eyes met for a final moment and they both tried to smile and still be the friends they were despite it all. Tamaki swept his hair from his eyes and Kyouya touched his fingers to the bridge of his glasses.

"I love you, Tamaki."

Having said what he had to, Kyouya turned and left his friend standing there, drenched in pain and confusion.


	5. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

The door was labeled with a handsome bronze plate that read:

_Suoh Tamaki, Chairman_

A dark-haired young man in his mid-twenties smiled to himself as he looked at the nameplate. The man it referred must changed a great deal in the past years. The man looked tired, but it was mostly jet lag. Only a bit of his apparent exhaustion was permanent. He pushed his glasses, which looked exactly like the ones he'd always had, up his nose and gave a little sigh.

The man knocked on this door.

"Come in." The voice was somehow both different and exactly the same.

The dark-haired man opened the door and stood in the doorway as he took in the large office.

A huge window that gave a spectacular view of Tokyo took up both walls of the corner behind the desk, which was somewhat cluttered with papers and a few framed pictures. There were bookshelves on the other walls. These housed books, piles of file folders, a few more pictures. It looked like the typical office of any top executive.

A tall blond man stood at the window with his back to the door. He wasn't gazing at the stunning view, however. He was studying something he held in his hand. Even from the back, the chairman looked to be about the age of his visitor and he was clearly gorgeous. His tousled hair provided a coolly attractive contrast to his perfectly neat, western suit.

"What is it?" he asked without turning to see just whom he had invited into his office.

"I'm here to keep my promise," said the dark haired man. Although he spoke in perfect Japanese, there was the tinniest hint of the American accent he had picked up in New York.

The man at the window froze right down to his breathing. He turned slowly to see if the voice truly belonged to the person he thought it did.

"Kyouya," he said, stunned.

"I said I'd come back, didn't I?" said Kyouya with a half smile.

"I know, but-," Tamaki began as he came around the desk to greet his old friend.

"But you didn't think I'd keep my promise?"

"Of course not! I just though you would have called or something," Tamaki said with a laugh.

"I thought I'd surprise you."

"Well, you have!"

Tamaki stopped in front of Kyouya, still holding the thing he'd been looking at. Kyouya peered at it. It was a picture of the Host Club. He remembered distinctly when it had been taken. It had been only a few days before he'd left Japan.

"I'm so glad to see you," said Tamaki as he set the picture down on a near by shelf.

The two young men stood in awkward silence for a moment.

"Well, it looks like our wayward king has finally gotten the ability to run things," Kyouya said gesturing around at the office.

"I learned from the best," Tamaki replied giving his friend a quick smile.

"So how is everybody?" Kyouya asked glancing at the picture.

"Um, well," Tamaki began sounding suddenly uncomfortable. "They're all Okay, running family businesses and so forth. I can call them. Have a reunion – today if you like," he offered crossing to the phone on his desk.

"Maybe later," Kyouya said quickly.

Tamaki stopped halfway to the desk.

"What about Haruhi?" Kyouya asked glancing at the floor and not really wanting to know the answer.

"Well, um," Tamaki began, but he was interrupted by a young woman poking her head around the door.

"Tamaki, I brought you-," the beautiful burnet caught sight of Kyouya. "Oh my god," she whispered. "Kyouya?" She came cautiously into the room, staring at Kyouya like she'd seen a ghost.

"Haruhi?" asked Kyouya.

She nodded, still gazing at him with wide eyes.

Haruhi's brown hair was long now and she dressed a sundress that was managing to be cute, classy, high-end, and appropriate for her setting all at once. Kyouya might not have recognized her if he had just seen her walking down the street.

"Kyouya," she said again.

"Yes?" he asked getting slightly annoyed.

"You- You're-." Haruhi struggled to find words.

"What?" asked Kyouya.

"You're alive," she said finally.

Kyouya stared at her.

"Yes, I am," he said because he couldn't think of anything else to say to such an observation.

"But Tamaki, you said..." Haruhi turned to the blond in confusion. "You told us..."

"What did you tell them, Tamaki?" asked Kyouya as his voice filled with ice.

"I'm sorry, but I couldn't take it. I didn't know what to do. It was the only way I could face it! The only way I could accept he wasn't coming back." Tamaki's voice was shaking. "I didn't know what else to tell you."

"The truth would have worked," Haruhi snarled with an anger that was unfamiliar to Kyouya.

"What did you tell them?" he asked again.

Tamaki turned away, unable to face the other two.

"He told us you were dead, Kyouya," said Haruhi coldly.

"You what?" gasped Kyouya.

"I told you, I couldn't take it. There was no other way for me to accept that I wasn't going to see you again!"

"So you lied to them? And to yourself?" Kyouya asked. "That's not like you, Tamaki. And anyway, you knew I was coming back. I promised you I'd come back."

Tamaki was silent.

"You didn't believe me, did you?" he asked with quiet pain.

Tamaki still did not speak.

"Tamaki, how could I have not come back to you?"

"I was afraid, Kyouya. Afraid that if I believed you were coming back you wouldn't and it would kill me. It was because of you that I made it in Japan. I wasn't cut out for this, but you made it possible for me. Without..." His voice died and he fought to bring it back. "I couldn't take it."

"Haruhi, I think you should go," said Kyouya abruptly.

"What?" she asked.

"Just go. I don't think you need to see this. Especially if you're going to marry him." Kyouya had of course noted the engagement ring the moment he'd seen Haruhi.

"I'm not sure I want to do that anymore," she said, her voice shaking too now.

"Haruhi, please-," Tamaki began, but Kyouya cut across him.

"You two can fight this out later. I can't stay here long and I'd like to talk to you alone, Tamaki."

"I'll see you later then," said Haruhi at once and she left closing the door behind her.

"Kyouya, look," Tamaki said.

Kyouya started to say "I don't want to know," but then he realized he already did.

"I understand," he said instead.

"What?"

"I understand. How many times I told myself that you were dead to me so I could let go, but I never did."

"What are you saying?" asked Tamaki slowly.

"I'm saying I still love you, Tamaki," Kyouya said with a sad smile.

They stood once more in the silence that had separated them like an ocean what seemed like a lifetime ago in Tamaki's bedroom.

"I'm marrying Haruhi," said Tamaki.

"I know," replied Kyouya flatly.

"My family's not too happy, but I don't care." He made the same stubborn face he'd made at Kyouya all those years ago in the Third Music Room.

"You love her; I know."

The silence came again.

"I'm glad you're happy. You are happy aren't you? With her?"

"Yeah." Tamaki sighed. "I can't say I enjoy running all this." He gestured at the office.

"But you're happy. That's good."

"I haven't been truly happy, not since you left," Tamaki admitted quietly.

"What do you mean?" asked Kyouya cautiously.

"I guess I told them you were dead because part of me died that day. I know it sounds cliché to say something like that, but it's true, Kyouya. If you'd stayed, if the host club hadn't failed, I don't know, it just seems like things would have been different."

"The host club failed?" asked Kyouya completely thrown off track by this news.

"Yeah, after you left. We couldn't manage it without you." Tamaki seemed lost in thought for a moment. "Anyway, the point is if you hadn't gone things would have been different."

"How so?" Kyouya asked with a sudden chill in his voice. "Your precious host club would have lived? You would have spent a little more time with darling Haruhi?" His voice got louder and louder as each question seemed to inspire more anger. "I could have helped you run your stupid company? You wouldn't have had to known I love you? What, Tamaki? What would have been different?" Kyouya's breathing was fast and ragged as every emotion he'd shoved aside for so many years seemed to come pouring out.

"I don't see why you're so angry! You're the one that never called, never wrote, never contacted me for all those years. Years, Kyouya!" Tamaki's suppressed emotions were rearing into a many-headed monster as well.

"What does that even have to do with anything? I thought you were going to explain to me how your life would have been different if I had stayed?"

Tamaki opened his mouth as if to rage back at his former friend, but then he seemed to realize just what he was doing. He sighed.

"I thought we could still be friends, Kyouya," he said sadly.

"I should have stayed in America. I knew there was nothing for me here anymore. I don't know why I was so stupid as to come. I've known there was nothing ever since I kissed you." Kyouya didn't know why he said it.

"What?" whispered Tamaki.

"You were all I cared about, Tamaki. I told you that. Once I knew there was no chance you'd ever love me, there was nothing for me. Not here, not anywhere." He looked away.

"It's not that I don't care about you-," Tamaki started to say.

"I know you care about me, Tamaki, but I love you and that's different. I'm sorry."

"For what?"

Kyouya thought about it for a moment. He had a lot to be sorry for. Finally he decided what he was truly sorry for.

"For this."

Kyouya turned and walked out of the office.

"Kyouya!" Tamaki called after him, but he just kept walking.

Tamaki ran to the door and watched as Kyouya walked down the hall without looking back. The dark-haired man stopped and said a few words to the young woman he's encountered in the hall. Then he got in the elevator and was gone.

"Kyouya!" Tamaki shouted once more, but it was too late. It had been too late for years.

The young woman approached Tamaki.

"He told me not to tell the others," Haruhi said with confusion in her voice. "He said, "I wish it was that way, so let them believe it," but I didn't understand."

"Oh Kyouya," Tamaki murmured. "He means don't tell them he's alive because he wishes he wasn't and he thinks it would be easier if he were dead."

"No," breathed Haruhi.

The two former hosts stared down the hall after the stranger, who had once been their friend.

"He's not coming back, is he?" Haruhi said after a minute.

"No, he's not," said Tamaki as he went back into his office. "I just hope he goes back to America and doesn't do anything... stupid."

"Yeah, me too," Haruhi agreed as she left.

Tamaki stared out the window for a bit. He wished he could have done something for his old friend, but there was no cure for love.


	6. Kyouya's Letter

Dear Tamaki,

I know there are a million things I should say to you and I also know I can never say them all, so I'll keep this brief rather than trying to say everything. One thing I must say is this: I'm sorry. I'm sorry for leaving and for the fights we had and for being so cold and for not telling you I love you and for tell you I love you and for tormenting Haruhi and really for everything. You might be thinking I'm sorry I met you, but I'm not. I learned so much from you and I want to thank you for that. You taught me to find joy in the little things. You taught me happiness. You taught me almost every good and happy thing I know. So maybe what seems like the most important thing you taught me really isn't. What I'm referring to is of course love. I know it doesn't seem like you taught me this, but had I never met you, I would not have known what it truly means to love someone. Even though you know and probably don't want to "hear" it again, I love you. I always will. You're everything to me, Tamaki. I wanted you to know that because I very much doubt I'll ever see you again. In fact, I know we will never meet again and I'm sorry for that as well.

Forever yours,

Kyouya

P.S. I'm back in America now and this time I promise to keep in touch.


End file.
